Super busy. Flat out. Too much to do, not enough time to do it.
That’s how so many of us feel.
Research has shown that 80% of people report to feeling exhausted at least once each week. “Exhausted”. That’s a loaded word. The Oxford Dictionary describes exhausted as: (adjective) Very tired, Completely used up, No longer productive as a result of being drained of resources.
Is that you sometimes? Drained? Completely used up? Very tired?
Imagine that we have an emotional tank that rises and falls with our daily activity. It fills with moments of joy, fun, laughter, leisure and rest; it is emptied by stress, work, pressure, noise, clutter, jealousy, and the daily grind. There are things that are particularly emotionally draining: A stressful work decision, grief and loss, a looming deadline, an assignment due or an issue to resolve. Perhaps it’s just the constancy of parenthood or overarching financial stress. We are all familiar with the things that drain our tanks. Incredibly, we can actually cope with a lot IF the tank is being refilled regularly.
Author Wendy Van Eyck writes, “When the tank is full, we find it easier to find joy in each day, to laugh at the days events and cope with trials. When it’s empty, we find it more difficult to cope with little things that come up or even to simply smile or relax.”
Which of these 4 disciplines are you neglecting?
I want to suggest 4 refreshment disciplines that if applied, can sustain the most pressured CEO, teacher, parent or student even in the most stressful of times. Which of these four are missing from your calendar?
1. THE DAILY REFRESHER: Min time: 15 minutes
Day-to-day activities take it out of us. Physiologically, our body requires a recharge every 24hour period. Sleep is the most refreshing thing we do, but if we engage in high-demand daily activities, most of us will require the daily refresher. Experts suggest a minimum 15 minute window of personal time away from kids, work, computers and screens. This would be a deliberate time to unwind, gather thoughts, exercise, breath deep and clock off. One hour is optimal, but 15 minutes might be enough to give us that little top up to get through the next 24 hours.
DO’s: Walk – Exercise – Leisure – Solitude – Read – Bath
DON’Ts: Drink alcohol daily – Neglect exercise – Overlook help – Isolate yourself
2. THE WEEKLY TIME OUT: Min time: 3 hours
We have two little boys under 3yrs old. They are high energy and require loads of physical and emotional attention. The other day, I had them both on my own for just a few hours and I was exhausted! I don’t know how mum’s do it – I have huge respect and appreciate for you! It’s no wonder that a couple of times per week, Jools needs a few hours to herself to disconnect from the mayhem and recharge the batteries. If that doesn’t happen then the tank doesn’t fill. One of the greatest gifts I can offer her is the weekly time out. At least once per week, I take the kids so she can have a few hours to herself. She might go for a long walk, have dinner with friends, visit her sister, or simply read a good book without the kids around. When she returns, the tank has refilled substantially and she has more emotional energy to be at her best.
Each of us will be unique in what recharges us. For me, it’s always physical and outdoors – a longer surf session, weekend cricket, a fishing exploit. It doesn’t need to be alone, but it does need to be refreshing. For some of us, the challenge might be to work out what is actually refreshing for you.
DO’s: Leisure – Your favourite thing – Refreshing friends – Read – Anything outdoors
DON’T’s: Vacuum – Chores – Counsel a friend – Social media
3. THE QUARTERLY OFFSITE: Min time: An overnighter
This one is borrowed from a business concept by Patrick Lencioni who suggests that business teams need a quarterly offsite meeting to work on those big picture strategic plans. Getting away from the home base brings a new perspective and a true “time out”. Turn the phones off and let your soul replenish. The key to this being successful is that it is planned in advance and on the calendar with kid minders and annual leave locked in. If you have a partner, then the quarterly offsite could be done as a couple but never as a whole family with kids – unless your kids are super refreshing, cruisy and don’t need afternoon attention when you need a nanna-nap. The idea is that you get an overnighter to have a real time out, and the kids will benefit from that when you return.
For us, the quarterly offsite comes at key events in the year: Our wedding anniversary; My birthday; a camping overnighter; or a planned solitude weekend. Perhaps “quarterly” sets the bar too high to start with, but I would suggest that if you are not planning an overnighter a couple of times per year, then you aren’t getting that deep refreshment that you need.
DO’s: Plan in advance – Switch off technology – Get into nature – Go together – Reflect on the bigger parts of life
DON’T’s: Take kids – Stay home – Leave it as a good idea
4. THE ANNUAL HOLIDAY: Min Time: 5 days
It seems silly to even encourage people to take an annual holiday, but it’s amazing how many people I speak with in a counselling/coaching setting who haven’t had a holiday in more than 3 years. And they wonder why they carry long-term stress and pressure!
Even those with financial pressures need to prioritise some time away. But there are a few questions to clarify if you want your holiday to be refreshing.
- Who: Will the people I holiday with be refreshing? Perhaps a trip with your parents doesn’t tick the box. Or maybe there is someone you should invite who you find energising. Make sure you holiday with the right people.
- Where: An overseas trip is more exciting, but will it be refreshing? Maybe yes, but in many cases, we return more exhausted than before we left. Make sure you have some holidays of refreshment, where you can truly unwind, replenish, read, and do the things that top you up. An airport queue may need to be avoided.
- What: Do you need to fishing? Shopping? Sand or no sand? Decide what you want to do to be refreshing on your holiday. There’s no point forcing a camping trip if your partner hates sand and bugs and is on edge the whole time. Similarly, if you love to fish, plan it and prioritise it.
- When: Summer? Winter? Snow? Beach? You get the drift.
DO’s: Talk about it – Think “refreshment” – Include physical activity
DON’T’s: Jam it full – Try to make it productive – Think only of yourself
The bottom line is: If you are running on emotional empty, the chances are that you are neglecting some of these above refresher disciplines. It might be time to make a change and plan some refreshment that will be of benefit to you and the people around you.
