What Game of Thrones teaches about ourselves

• There’s no major spoilers in this article
• In real life, people are inconsistent, just like the characters in GoT
• I am often kind, caring and loving; but at other times selfish, short-tempered and irritable. So am I a goodie or baddie?

Do we cheer for the Starks? Perhaps Dany and her freedom fighters? Or the Baratheon brother with the red woman? Oh, and what about the giant dude who has little Arya… He is mean but keeps showing glimpses of heart – is he our anti-hero?”

The interesting thing about the Game of Thrones character development is that nothing is predictable and no one is ultra-consistent (except for that King Joffrey – he is a consistent cruel b*stard). If the Starks, are the heroes why did he just do that!? And if the Lanister’s are villains and Jaime a child killer who maimed little Bran, why is he now helping the big lady? And Dany, whoa, one minute she’s our hero freedom fighter, and the next a tyrant of anger and revenge! This inconsistency just doesn’t make sense. Or, does it?

So often, television presents people as either goodies or baddies, heroes or villains. Our heroes should be consistent and predictable, they do the right thing to the right people and stand against the baddies. When tempted to stray, they find the right moral compass – even if there are a few moments of doubt.

In real life, people are inconsistent. We are a contradiction. Yes, all of us. Genuinely good people lose their temper and say destructive things; excellent parents get impatient and intolerant; good bosses make mistakes; sporting greats have their off day; even Biblical heroes have significant blemishes on their record. In the same way, people who commit crime are often spoken of by family members as “loving husbands” or “good students”, even “loyal” and “kind”. When I reflect on myself… as a husband, I can be serving, kind, romantic, fun and spontaneous. And somehow, this same person is selfish, short-tempered, irritable and unkind. So who am I?

The mistake we make is to categorise people as good or bad. So when the Leader has an affair, we write him off. He’s now a baddie, and the good he did is null and void. A footy player throws an intercept pass and loses the match for his team. Suddenly all the good is forgotten as he’s now “the worst footballer to have played.” I grew up with Bible characters and I could never work out how one of the heroes called King David could be labelled “a man of God” when he had committed adultery and then murder. That seems stupid. And Rahab the Prostitute? I didn’t realise that so-called “bad” people could do such acts of goodness and make it into faith’s Hall of Fame. People’s inconsistency is difficult for us to deal with – except when we look in the mirror.

The reality is, none of us fit tidily into the good or bad category. We have our moments that shine, and other moments we’d prefer to forget. We are heroes at times, and villains at other times.

So what’s the point in all of this? I’ve got two thoughts:

1. Be slow to judge others: When we view others, we should be less surprised and judgemental, and more gracious when they are inconsistent. That’s the way we want to be treated, right? We want people to overlook our blemishes, to focus on our good points. When our spouse acts in anger – it’s the moment to say, “we all make mistakes. Let’s move on and get better.” When the boss makes a wrong move – that’s our moment to encourage and tell them, “we’re still with you”. Oh, and we should be careful how high we make our earthly heroes because one day, you’ll see them tired, angry and inconsistent and we’ll wonder if they are still a goodie.
2. Be kind to yourself: Often, we are own worst critic. Sure, if our inconsistency is sabotaging relationships and bad habits are becoming harmful, then a change is needed. But in general, we are the first to beat ourselves up and we find it difficult to forgive ourselves. Have you made a mistake? Admit it and move on. Said something you regret? Apologise, and try again. But don’t expect perfection from yourself – we all make mistakes and it might be time to remind yourself of the great things instead of those little moments.

A wise proverb sums it all up, “Disregarding a persons fault preserves love; constantly reminding of it will separate close friends.” Proverbs 17:9

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