Most of us want to make wise decisions with no regrets. However, there’s one common trap that many of us fall into. Let me first explain with a little story:
When I was first out of school, I had a job where the manager was a grumpy, angry, almost abusive man. He would yell, swear and treat us pretty bad. Many times, I wanted to give it back to him with all guns blazing. This one particular day, I came home furious after he embarrassed me in front of others. He showed everyone a mistake I had made and then went to the owner and said that I was to blame. I came home angry. I told my Dad that I hated that manager and I was going to go in the next morning and tell him where he could stick the job. I’m glad my dad is a wise man. He said,
“Dan, you’re angry and embarrassed now, and so you should. That would have been humiliating for anyone. But don’t act on impulse. You’ve got 2 weeks before Uni exams and you don’t want to be hunting for a new job right now. Just put your head down and steer clear of Captain Grumpor. But whatever you do, DON’T MAKE ANY DECISION UNTIL YOU’RE THINKING CLEAR AGAIN!“
Society would coach us, “Just let him have it. Tell him what you really think! Live by your feelings.” It’s bad advice. And many of us regret making major decisions when we’re not thinking clearly. If you want to guarantee a bad decision, then:
Guaranteed fail: Make major decisions when you are tired, angry, down or emotional.
Perhaps this is your regret. In the heat of the moment, you told someone that you hate them. Or you quit your job, lost a friend, got physical or said too much when you were all worked up. Or maybe you were down and depressed for a time. And in that dip, you made the decision to pull out of a long term commitment, only to come out of the valley and regret making that choice while you were low. Perhaps you have debt now because when you were feeling low, you spent up and got that oxytocin rush that makes retail therapy feel so great, but then reality bites and the debt hurts.
Wisdom says,
Never make a major decision when you are not thinking clearly.
Never. Put the purchase on pause. Ride out the night. Bite your tongue. Wait till the storm passes.
- When the blanket of anxiety or depression is heaviest, don’t make a major change. You’ll feel different in a month.
- When you’re tired, angry, disappointed or misunderstood, that’s not the point to quit work or change church or walk on the family. Have a break, not a break up.
- When you’re exhausted, don’t let that be a moment to compromise a strong value. Be aware of your state of being and know you’ll be in a better place soon.
- When you need a pick-me-up, don’t get your fix from something that will cost you in the long term.
Never make a major decision when you are not thinking clearly.
CHECKLIST:
- Angry, upset, misunderstood or unappreciated? Press the pause button. Step back. You don’t have to do anything right now. Wait till the comedown, and then respond. There’s a big difference between reacting and responding.
- Exhausted? Nothing left in the tank? DO NOT walk away from marriage, job or commitment. Have a break, not a break up.
- Down, low, depressed, not yourself, sleep deprived? Hang in there. Know that feelings come and go, things change, seasons move on. There will be a better day and you’ll be glad you hung in there.
