There is something special about taking an old pre-loved home and giving it some care and attention to bring back it’s former glory. Years ago, my wife and I renovated an old lakeside house that had been a deceased estate. We had good help from friends and family as we spent every weekend for 6 months tearing out carpet, knocking down walls, painting and facelifting the 50 year old home. When we were nearly finished, some family members of the former owner stopped passed and asked if they could walk through. Stories were told of good times and smiles returned to faces as one daughter said, “It’s so nice to see the house bright and happy again! I’m so glad you didn’t knock it down and start all over.” To be honest, it was nearly past the point of no return, but we managed to salvage and restore a lovely home for a fraction of the cost.
When it comes to our most important relationships, many wait until they are well and truly run down before seeking any help or restoration – and by then, its often past the point of no return. Usually,
- We wait until crisis point before getting marriage help;
- We fight with family and bury years of conflict before seeking reconciliation;
- We trade up years of friendship for a shallow new friend because it is easier than working through a misunderstanding.
When we trade up, knockdown-rebuild, exchange old for new, we miss out on the beauty of restoration. We miss the opportunity to grow in character, to push through quitting points, to overcome difficult. But when we choose to renovate, to cut out the rot and address the decay, we find incredible reward as we restore and salvage a relationship that may just need a little TLC.
I have the privilege of seeing couples talk about their problems and then take steps to make it better. I’ve seen dad’s take responsibility for their part in broken families, write letters to estranged children, take time out of work to build memories and deliberately make the next season better than the last. I’ve sat with people who have called a friend and said sorry over the phone, only to have that friend say sorry back! I’ve sat with guys who are there because things are going good and they want to set goals and plans to make things great. That’s inspiring!
Sure, a new house might be exciting, shiny and nice for the first few years, but what riches do we lose in ditching the old place? I wonder: Are we are too quick to knockdown and rebuild rather than restore and renovate?
Are there ever circumstances where we should knockdown-rebuild? Have you done a makeover on a relationship, and if so, how do you feel about that now? Comments below.
