- My initial feelings were fear and anger
- This young guy simply needed someone to talk to
- You never know what people are going through
I was coming home late from a leadership meeting where we had been discussing the needs of people in our community and how we might try to make a difference. I was pretty tired, and aware that it was late. I didn’t want to disturb the neighbourhood so as I pulled into the shared driveway, turned off the radio, and shut the door quietly. Our house is located across a creek and along a leafy pathway that brings access to 5-6 homes. I noticed that all lights were off in every home including ours. Little ones tucked in; mums getting rest before the next shift; tradies getting a few zzz’s before an early start. I was deliberately quiet. Then suddenly, right in front of me was a dark shadow sitting on the bench seat beside the path! It was a hooded character whose unexpected presence scared the daylights out of me! I quickly noticed a bong in hand, oversized DC shoes and a lad-style jacket.
Who is this guy? And why is he smoking weed at the front of my house?
Two emotions hit me: fear at an unknown hooded character just 2 metres away; then a protective kind of anger that this person is making my family neighbourhood feel less safe and secure for my children. This guy could be anyone – and probably dangerous! From my perspective, he was unwelcome and I wanted him gone. Before I knew it, slightly confrontational words were coming out of my mouth.
Hey, what’s going on? Are you waiting for someone?
A young fella, barely 15 years old, nearly fell off the seat in a startled fright. He hadn’t noticed me quietly walking and he jumped to his feet and said, “Oh, sorry man, I’ll leave, I’ll leave.”
His voice was quivering and in that moment, my emotions changed. I was somehow filled with compassion as I realised something must have been amiss for this young guy to be out late, by himself, doping up on whatever weed he could pull together. So I asked him if I could sit. He offered me a cone, but I declined – you know, that’s not really my thing.
For the next few minutes, this young fella told me that his Dad is right now packing bags and finally leaving home after Mum told him that this was the final straw. No more abuse. No more yelling. No more swearing. No more lies. She had finally stood up to him. This young fella decided to take a walk as the emotion of the whole thing became overwhelming. Happy that dad was leaving; sad that the family was falling apart; exhausted from emotional upheaval; and unsure about the future.
I offered him some encouraging words, asked if he wanted some dinner, and then reached into my bag to give him a business card. If you need anything, call me. Oh, and don’t leave your bong behind. (I couldn’t help myself). He looked at me and said, “Thanks so much man. It’s really helped just to talk.”
It might sound silly, but that encounter made my day. It felt great to take a risk, to encourage a stranger, to offer a listening ear, and help someone in pain. I didn’t change his world, but it did something in mine. So here’s my conclusion:
1. Consider what others might be going through – I’m working on changing my initial reaction to people. I rarely stop to wonder what people might be going through. Instead, I think about how things make me feel. I get annoyed, irritated or angry by what others are doing, but I rarely stop to consider what might be happening for them. I do this in the car when another driver is going slow and being annoying – only to realise they are looking for a house number or trying to find a park. I do this with students, when they are being loud or looking for attention, only to find out there’s a reason behind it. I even do it with my wife and family where I react to my own feelings, and fail to consider theirs.
Advice to self: Try listening first. Consider what others might be going through. Give the benefit of the doubt. When we imagine what someone is going through, our annoyance is replaced with empathy and compassion. Just like the hooded teen, there is often a reason they are doing it.
2. Join up theory and practice – I had come out of a meeting where we were talking about the needs of our community, meeting people’s needs and caring for the vulnerable. Then suddenly I have an opportunity to put the theory into practice – and to my shame, my initial reaction was annoyance, worry and rejection. There should be no difference between my theory and practice. We don’t become better people in the meeting room; we become better in the little everyday moments where we have the opportunity to put theory into practice. That hooded teen taught me a lesson. Thanks Corey. Hope you’re doing ok.
